July 26, 2012

Once-in-a-lifetime Wedding

Last month I had the great pleasure of attending the wedding of someone I had known since he was little, the child of dear friends who attend the same church. This wedding was different and probably once-in-a-lifetime for me. It was the exchange of vows between two transmen.

James (left) and John were married in Chicago in June surrounded by friends and loved ones.

John is acknowledged by his birth state of Illinois to be male and has changed his Illinois state ID and Social Security card to match. James’ California driver’s license has “female” as his legal sex. (He does not want to change his legal sex unless they offer T for transgender.) By marrying in Illinois, the marriage is registered as between bride and groom, thereby being recognized in all 50 states and by the federal government. (BTW: pure genius way to work the system, gentlemen.)

It was a privilege to witness the moving ceremony, and lots of hankies were out for all the right reasons. There was a pall cast briefly over the celebration afterward when James approached to tell me how important it was to him that my husband and I attended.

“You are the only ones of my parents’ friends to attend,” he said.

“I know, sweetheart.”

"Some of them stayed away on purpose.” His blue eyes were bright.

“I know, sweetie, and I’m sorry.”

We hugged and the party went on into the night. John and James are obviously in love and good for each other. I see a peace in James that was not evident for a long time. Love is always something to celebrate.

An announcement appeared on Joe.My.God.
A lightly-edited version of this appears on Bilerico.


Rox said...

I remember a discussion (and difference of opinion) with my Mother In Law (god rest her soul) about gay marriage. She vehemently opposed it. So I offered this "What if one of your grandkids was gay, found love and wanted to celebrate and marry the person they love?" She said she would not support that. Even her grandkids who were the lights of her life.

Now that I am facing this very real possibility that someday my "40% lesbian who identifies more with males" I worry that there will be others in our family and/or circle of friends who will walk away from her. The thought makes my blood boil and my heart ache.

High five to you for being one of those who "Gets it" and lives it. You talk the talk and you walk the walk and I just love you to bits for it!

Ur-spo said...

how lovely; thank you for sharing.