Almost Normal

I have a cold. No big deal; every fall the germs filter down like leaves. Except THIS cold sent me to the emergency room last night. My immune system is compromised, and whenever I have a temperature of 100.4° or higher, I must go to the ER and get IV antibiotics.

I spent three hours getting poked, infused and tested. I am thrilled to report my white blood cell count was very high, enough that I could go back home with my new antibiotics. Now that I’m home, it’s an almost normal treatment.

I am feeling less flaky these past few days, more like having had one martini than three. This is a good thing since I have few enough filters anyway. A little off-balance: almost normal.

My house is coming together after being ignored for a long time. I was talking to a longtime friend about my sudden unease with circumstances that didn’t bother me so much a month ago.

“It’s control,” she said. “Your life is out of control, and you want to have something you can manage. You’re aiming in on your house.” She nailed it. Fixing up the house seems like such a mundane thing; but it is bringing me a sort of peace amid the chaos. It feels almost normal.

Do you have any idea how wonderful “normal” is? The commonplace, tedious details of everyday living are beautiful markers of normalcy when the usual becomes unusual. To know what to anticipate, to be able to take things for granted, to have expectations met in an ordinary, typical way: ignorant bliss.

But there’s another side to this unusual situation: the outpouring of simple acts of kindness is an overwhelming balance on the scale against chaos. It is my privilege to be in a position of service, helping others. Now it is my turn to allow that privilege to others, that they may express the grace that awaits circumstances such as these. There is no true balancing of the scale when it comes to grace; it simply is. And the glorious part of it with these remarkable people stepping up in my life: it’s almost normal.

Cross-posted on CaringBridge.org