All God's Children, Week Four

Week One: "Our Families"
Wekk Two: "Gay and Christian"
Week Three: "The Science of Sexuality"

What the Bible Says About Sexuality

One of the class members arrived early, armed with a grocery bag filled with blue clasp folders. Apparently she had read the Blue Book, a resource I displayed every week on the class information table. The Blue Book is a report that explains “What We Wish We Had Known” from a church task force that studied the science and Christian view of homosexuality. She was so excited about its welcoming message that she made ten copies for her study group. Then she made twenty more copies and gave them to her friends. And then she made thirty more copies and passed them out to class members as they arrived. I have to agree that it answers many basic questions that most people have as they approach the issue for the first time. It is wonderful to see someone newly afire with enthusiasm.

Our presenter was a seminary professor of Old Testament studies. She went through the standard passages that are the core argument for calling homosexuality a sin and presented arguments for each side. (I hesitate to call this a two-sided argument, for that is too simple for such a complex issue. But this is not a hermeneutics lesson.) I had heard pretty much everything she presented but one thing was new to me: she said that there is a school of thought that says Old Testament law is utopian literature, that it is something to reach for but impossible to attain. That is something to think about.

Attendance remained high but not what I expected for this most difficult topic of the series: 76 came, still three times higher than normal attendance. The audience was rapt as always, but the speaker used every minute available. Still, no one would leave as class time came to an end and hands were raised. After a discussion on grace came the question I expected: “Doesn’t homosexuality destroy the family?” I could see four heads nod with agreement.

The professor explained that this was an empirical question; that is, we can examine this with evidence before us today. This is not answered in the Bible. She mentioned a social services study of families who adopted children. Children adopted by same-sex couples were compared in a years-long study to children adopted by hetero couples. The study concluded that those children who were adopted by same-sex parents were “more successful” than those adopted by hetero parents. She could not name the study or what “successful” meant in the terms of the study, and mumbling was heard from the audience. She calmly asserted that each of us is obliged to find the facts and not just take someone’s word.

I was sorry that the real discussion was only beginning as the class was ending. Clusters of people continued to converse at length after class ended. One of the dissenting men talked for a long time with Abe, who was able to tell about his own journey of discovery. I am grateful he was there. The man complained at how one-sided the series was, and Abe said it was that way on purpose. The man was taken aback. Abe continued, “We’ve had four weeks—four hours—of this point of view. Balance that against 170 years of the other point of view.” They continued in a calm discussion, agreeing to disagree on a couple of key points.

Some people were uncomfortable with the potential for conflict, but how can we grow without it? If we are complacent, we have no reason to change. If we’re arguing, it means we are talking. That is the goal for now. We have to let the dust settle before we move forward, but we are talking.

All God's Children, Week Three

Week One: "Our Families"
Wekk Two: "Gay and Christian"

The Science of Orientation and Gender

Our guest speaker was a doctor of pediatrics from Riley Children’s Hospital, and she gave a presentation on adolescent development, especially as it dealt with same-sex attraction. (At our request, she did not address transgender issues. We don’t think the congregation is ready for that discussion at this early stage in our growth. But I included an article on the subject on the resource table.)

As she covered the facts of development, a number of studies were quoted. I was glad to hear her name the source, longevity and brief methodology for every study quoted. She even discussed the weaknesses of two of the studies and addressed the questionable methodology of studies being quoted for opposing conclusions.

An interesting thing happened during the question period at the end: three people asked three different ways, “Is it a choice?” The speaker answered thoughtfully and at length to say “no” three different ways. One of those questioners asked when it’s a good time to intervene and change a child’s orientation. After the long answer that said it isn’t possible, the petitioner asked, “So, we need to go younger?” That person has a long way to go. But I want to stress that instead of throwing our arms in the air and dismissing him as a lost cause, it is this person and those like him we must embrace. If we are asking them to welcome us—even though they disagree—we must model the behavior we are asking of them—even though we disagree. Grace is not conditional.

I live for the day when the silence in our church is one of grace, that what is unspoken is understood to be acceptance, when orientation and gender identity don’t need to be subjects of lengthy discussion because it simply is not an issue.

There was no mention of faith issues except by the class leader as he closed; he hoped that what we are learning here is a step toward a more inclusive church, making this a place of safety for our youth. As in weeks past, class had to be halted well after the closing time, and people rushed to resume the discussion with our speaker. Attendance continues to grow; today we had 81 attendees. (Remember, standard attendance for this class has been 20-25 up until now.)

In a related note, news came today of yesterday’s vote in our presbytery on a change in the denomination’s constitution. The Presbyterian Church USA is calling for a vote to return ordination requirements to the original language of 400 years prior to the change in 1967; that is, from “fidelity within the covenant of marriage between a man and a woman, or chastity in singleness” to “fidelity within the standards of the church.” This change returns the discernment process to the church and its presbytery (collection of local churches) which approve ordination of individuals. It allows churches to decide for themselves whether or not to ordain openly gay persons.

Historically our presbytery has voted against the change. Yesterday, by a margin of TWO votes, it passed (108-106). The national vote is currently 39 yes, 66 no. It requires a majority of 87 to pass. While this local decision is a reason to rejoice, it also is part of the reason that one of our presbytery churches chose to leave the denomination at the same meeting, just prior to the vote.

This turmoil gives us cause to reflect and determine our course of action. We must move carefully, educating people in a loving way, allowing for reasonable disagreement, always reflecting the behavior we hope to see in others. Be the change you wish to see.

Next Sunday: "What the Bible Says about Sexuality"

Image courtesy of Christ First Church of Gainesville, GA.

All God's Children, Week Two

Week One: "Our Families"

Gay and Christian

Both of our speakers arrived early, which was of some consternation earlier this week when our lady guest emailed me that she was suffering from the flu. She assured me last night that her health had improved, and she did look and sound good when she came into the classroom.

I had requested more chairs for this week, since last week we had needed more than originally imagined. Instead of the 50+ we used last week, I requested 75. The room filled quickly, but apparently the building staff did not give us the number of seats we’d requested. I found someone on staff to add as many chairs as they could find. Some ended up along the side wall, and every chair was filled.

Our two speakers came from two different Methodist churches. The gentleman came to us from a friend’s recommendation to me; the lady was an acquaintance of the class leader. I was to introduce them. I had their basic bio information, but when I stood before the class, most of it flew out of my head. That doesn’t usually happen to me; but I knew that the audience wasn’t here to hear me and it didn’t really matter. I introduced our guests by name and they came to the table to speak.

“Linda” spoke first and movingly about growing up gay in a Christian home. She didn’t specify this time that she was a PK—a preacher’s kid—but it was clear that she grew up in a loving home. Because she was so fearful of the reaction, even from loving friends and family, she did not come out to anyone until she was in her late 20s. She did not suffer from any discrimination, beating, or vitriol; but she was well aware of the possibility, and it kept her silent. Linda teared up a few times and the audience was respectful. You could hear gasps of response to painful moments in her story. She emphasized how happy she is now in a committed relationship and a strong Christian faith. She closed her story with quotes from elected officials about their views. It was pretty ugly, and she emphasized that this is the message that the gay community is hearing more than any other.

“Roy” was raised in a loving home as well. He described himself as a “Bible geek,” truly interested in what the Bible had to say to him. He was at various times moving, funny, eloquent and well-versed in explaining his complex journey, which included a number of years in an ex-gay ministry. He finally realized that he was meant to be gay and Christian, and that it isn’t an oxymoron to be both. He is in a long-term committed relationship, and he and his partner have recently adopted a young boy. His “gay lifestyle” consists of tons of laundry, trips to school, chores on the weekend, and work.

I had to stop class five minutes after the closing time. It was apparent that no one wanted to leave. No one was looking at the clock or rustling papers. They were waiting their turn to enter the discussion. Again, as in last week, all of the responses were positive. When I dismissed the class, our guests were rushed by a number of people eager to continue the discussion.

Several came up to me to thank me, and I got a chance to speak to the gay man who approached me last week. I told him that I had discussed his request for a support group with our senior pastor. Because in the past month we have broken the silence in the pulpit after 170 years; initiated a discussion in this series of classes; and publicized this week the new support group for parents of gay children, that it would be circumspect to slow down. We have to give our congregation time to digest this new information and let the dust settle before we introduce yet another aspect. If we move too fast we can incur a lot of resistance. We haven’t felt yet the full impact of our current actions.

“Darren” was gracious and understood the need for pacing. He had already waited all of his life for this; a few more months were okay. He went further to tell me some of his own story, and it is book-worthy. It was a private conversation that I hope someday he will be willing to share. Powerful stuff.

Clusters of people continued to talk in the classroom and hallway. The ripples in the pond are widening. As the room slowly began to empty, I decided to count the chairs to see exactly how many had attended (since every chair was filled). We had exactly 75 people. Normal attendance for this class is about 25. Last week we had over 50. I think next week we might expect 100, and the last week—the one on Bible interpretation—I think we’ll need a new room with seating for at least 150.

My resource table is getting good reviews. I need to find more for next week about the science behind orientation and gender. Lots of handouts are being picked up, so I’ll continue to produce those as well.

I haven’t heard about any pushback that the subject might have caused, but I’ll bet our senior pastor has. I’ll ask him about it if I see him. Meanwhile, we move forward, in grace.

Next Sunday: “The Science of Orientation and Gender.”

Image courtesy of Christ First Church of Gainesville, GA.

All God's Children, Week One

Our Families

I was told that standard attendance for this class is about 20 to 25. We had seating for sixty, and almost all the seats were filled. A few familiar and friendly faces were in the crowd, including Abe’s.

I had set up a resource table with displays of books from my own library and handouts of articles pertinent to the topic of the day. I included a bibliography of books, DVDs, and websites. There was a lot of interest in the materials; I will have a different selection at every class in the series.

I sat at a table in front with three other speakers, all of whom were parents of gay children. We took turns telling the story of our family members, their lives, their coming out, and the impact on the family. As you might expect, the stories were powerful.

The subject matter didn’t lend itself to questions. How do you question someone’s story? The response was overwhelmingly positive, but I wonder if dissenting audience members felt that their comments were not welcome. I think the next class—“Gay and Christian”—will bring about some differing opinions.

The memory I will take from this happened after class. A longtime church member approached me to say thanks. I had figured out he was gay some time ago, and I was eager to hear his feedback. He told me that he was no longer working, and now that he was 66 years old, it was time for him to speak up. He said he wanted our church to start a support group for its gay members. It took me a second to realize he was coming out to me.

I smiled and reached for a hug. He was trembling. What a gift that he would trust me with his honesty. We talked for a few minutes more, and he said I was the first person he’d “said something to” at our church. I promised him that I would address his request to our senior pastor.

I am thrilled, grateful, hopeful, charged, and I feel like jumping around like a fool, whooping and pumping my fist in victory. Yesssss! I will do that in my head and on the outside appear to be the calm and confident person they want leading this class.

Next Sunday: “Gay and Christian.”

Image courtesy of Christ First Church of Gainesville, GA.