Tabula Rasa

It’s three days before my fourth and last A/C chemo. (After that I will start a 12-week regimen of weekly Taxol infusions.) As I reported briefly on Facebook, the chemo and your prayers are continuing to work! The node tumor is undetectable and the large tumor continues to shrink about a centimeter per infusion. Can’t wait to see the progress in Monday’s exam.

I’m feeling okay today. My energy came back yesterday and will last until Monday afternoon. The energy drain is due to my very low hemoglobin: I’m quite anemic. It’s like climbing at 10,000 feet every day with no acclimation. That was no surprise, but I didn’t think about the cost of low oxygen on the brain. I’m slower but okay in the moment, and today’s energy is giving me enough brain cells to string some sentences together. But when I try to look back to the past or forward to the future—anything in the “not now”—it’s difficult. Here’s a picture to show you what I see:

Yeah, I don’t see anything either. And I’m not kidding. If I don’t have a picture to wrap around an idea, it’s just not there right now. And I get another dose on Monday of the stuff that takes it away. As long as it’s taking away the cancer with it, I can certainly live with that. I’m spending long stretches of time with literally nothing on my mind. So this is what it’s like to be a guy. ;)

My colleagues and volunteers continue to be wonderfully patient. I have instantly forgotten a question just asked and had to have it repeated. At least I could answer—although now I could not tell you what that question was for the life of me. I am thankful that pretty much all of my responsibilities are for events I’ve done for years, so my mental faculties aren’t being tested too much.

My greatest concern—after my health—is for the presentation I’m supposed to make in February at the national convention for Presbyterian educators. It’s a big deal, the first of its kind, addressing children and sexual orientation and gender identity. I need to be there. But this month was supposed to be the time I spent writing an elementary curriculum to be used in November at my church—with my bosses’ blessing. And today was the first day in weeks I could think long enough to put two sentences together. It all fades away in three days with my next dose.

I’m so afraid it’s not going to happen. I won’t cancel yet, and I might still get a slot for 2013; but this is the year for this subject in our denomination! Dammit, I need to do this, and I will be upset if I can’t. Yeah, I know I have a good reason. I don’t care. This is important. Someone needs to be talking to our church’s educators on this issue, and this year it was to have been me.

Cancer sucks.

Overheard: Staff Meeting

We had a big staff meeting today. About thirty people were listening to our new pastoral residents talk about what they anticipated as they begin their two year residency program. A loud cell phone pierced the quiet conversation. Our senior pastor was not amused. As the offending party wrestled with the ringer and looked at the screen, pastor drawled dryly in his southern twang.

"That had better be Jesus."

OneSecond

I have finished three months' training to be a leader of a small group at my church. These groups form around a common theme, anything from gardening to golf to grandparents. And now: LGBT advocacy. I have put out an invitation—and will continue to do so—to anyone who wants to offer a grace-filled welcome at our church. We are known to be generally welcoming, but we want to reach out specifically to this group kept on the fringes. Because we are a small group and not representative of the entire church, we have this freedom while the church continues to progress in its journey toward affirmation.

I want for us to have a public profile, so I came up with a name and created a logo. (Our church name is Second Pres.)

Our focus will be mission/outreach, but what that will look like will be determined by group members. I can't wait to get rolling!

I'm In!

Faithful readers may remember me grousing about the lack of LGBT support and/or discussion at the annual church educators' convention I attended in February. I complained on Facebook too, and a friend responded, "You should teach a workshop about it." The idea wouldn't leave me alone, and I submitted a proposal within days of the deadline. A couple of weeks ago, a member of the selection committee called my boss and asked about my teaching style. My boss graciously gave a glowing report, having recently seen me in action for the very first time.

I just learned today that my proposal has been accepted. Woohoo! Here's the workshop blurb:

All God’s Children: Teaching Children About Sexual Orientation and Gender Diversity

The headlines of teen suicides reveal the devastating impact of teasing and bullying based on orientation and gender. The Christian community has a responsibility to model respect and offer grace to all people, regardless of their differences. When is the right time and what are the right words for teaching about gender diversity and sexual orientation? Open and caring conversation helps children develop a foundation of acceptance—of themselves and others.

I have many months to develop the content and will need it, since I have not taught this subject before. I'll be asking lots of organizations for help, but I feel really good about being able to do this. The timing is excellent, as our denomination is in the process of voting to approve the ordination of LGBT individuals as elders and pastors. This subject has been in the spotlight for the past sixteen years and voted on three previous times. It is very likely that it will pass this time: the vote currently sits at 80 presbyteries for, 51 against. A simple majority of 87 is needed to pass, and voting ends in September, I believe. With this so much in our national church's headlines, my workshop is needed.

Wow. My heartrate is up. I need to get to work on this.

Convention

After my day in Santa Fe, I returned to Albuquerque for business: the annual APCE convention (Association of Presbyterian Church Educators). It was a lot more interesting than it sounds. Colder, too.

The ice in the midwest delayed my boss' arrival by two days, but the cold found us anyway. Albuquerque experienced record-setting cold of -10° (a biting -30° wind chill) that kept everyone indoors. That was okay, because the workshops were really good. I've been to other conventions where the presentations were pretty marginal, but this group is comprised of professional educators, so the quality was consistently high. Some groups don't seem to understand that knowing is not the same as teaching; it takes skill to be able to transfer knowledge in a way that can be grasped easily by your audience. It was a genuine delight to watch good teachers in action.

Even so, there was one major disappointment in the workshop offerings: not one workshop addressed LGBT issues. And in a huge display hall filled with vendors, only a single related book could be found: Jesus, the Bible, and Homosexuality: Explode the Myths, Heal the Church by Jack Rogers. It's a great book, but really, only one? A friend has challenged me to present just such a workshop at next year's convention, but the deadline looms a few days away and I don't have a good core idea for this target group that will guarantee my selection. If I can pull it off, I'll apply, but it may be another year before I can do it.

I came away with some much-needed inspiration for my work at church. I shipped home a bunch of books and then I took off for Florida for some necessary down time. More on that soon!

Santa Fe Quick Trip

I have been working, working, working to get ready for the upcoming two weeks: I'm in Santa Fe for one day; tomorrow in Albuquerque for the national convention for church educators; and Saturday I leave from NM for FL for a well-earned vacation.

Since I had only 24 hours, the first thing on my list was to see Michael Adee, the executive director of More Light Presbyterians. He is a master teacher—one of the instructors at the Inclusive Church conference where we first met—and delightfully funny, intelligent and gracious. Michael treated me to lunch at a restaurant amid the rolling foothills of high desert New Mexico. The time slipped by far too fast, but Michael is leaving tomorrow for the Creating Change conference in Minneapolis.

With so little time, I visited one must-see: the Georgia O'Keeffe Museum, where I was not permitted to take pictures. However, of those works housed here, Black Mesa Landscape was my one of my favorites; and I found an image online.

The hills look low, but the altitude is 1000 ft. higher than Denver. I have had to drink a ton of water to counter effects of altitude and very dry air.

All of the downtown buildings are made of adobe: tan, yellow, orange and red of the surrounding landscape. This is the Santa Fe Museum of Art.

This is my attempt at art.

The town plaza was filled with touristy shops of pretty good quality, but no tourists were around but me. One side of the square was a long building, the front of which held a covered walk occupied fully by flea marketers.

The town of Santa Fe is filled with galleries. I snapped this one as a snow shower was in full force.

Michael told me these log fences are called coyote fences. They're everywhere.

Tomorrow brings more snow and frigid temperatures, lows below zero. But don't feel sorry for me: I left behind an incoming storm that will bring 2" of ice to Indy. Tomorrow I return to Albuquerque for the five-day convention, and Saturday I will fly to Florida to take a much-needed rest.

The Glacier Advances

No, this isn't about global warming. It's about church warming, as the glacial pace of progress moves forward.

A couple of nights ago I began my three-month training to be a small group leader in our church. With a congregation of several thousand, many people don't have a personal connection to the church. Small groups provide that connection: to people, to mission, to God.

What is meaningful about my own participation is that I made it clear the mission focus of my group will be LGBT advocacy. I wasn't sure if I could lead a group, as a member of staff. But everyone involved in this ministry is all for it.

The new leaders met for the first time this week. We gathered in a circle to tell why we were there. I told them that our church was known for its general welcome to the community; everyone nodded. I said I felt called to provide a specific welcome to people who are gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender; I want us to show grace and hospitality to a group that doesn't often get it.

Most in the group smiled. The faces of two men a little older than I froze and lost their smiles. But only two. This is a slow process, but it is progress. When I speak up, I always get someone supporting me in comments later.

Another wonderful event occurred a couple of weeks ago, when our senior pastor invited a former staff member and his husband to speak to our pastoral and program staff (at my request). The two men told their story and the floor was opened to questions. I was silent, since this wasn't my show, but I wanted to be sure one question was asked. I am happy to say another pastor asked it instead: how do we move this church from being just "welcoming" to being a truly safe place for LGBT persons?

The group listened as the men named the small sorts of acts that would show the congregation that we are a loving and affirming church, such as baptizing the child of a gay couple; seeking LGBT individuals in our mission work; studying books by gay authors and on subjects that address the struggles of LGBT persons, etc. It seems so obvious, doesn't it? But unless you've really thought about it, it may not occur to you.

The couple was well received, and I and four program staffers stayed behind to talk some more. This group is really supportive, and they give me the strength I need to continue. It seems I may have the rudder of this huge ship on this particular issue. May God guide my hand.

I'm Still Alive

...and busier than ever. I have things I wish I could write, and I've sat down a few times to try. I'm just too tired to put together anything salient. So this placeholder will have to do.

In my mostly part-time work, I have two or three projects to do a month. This fall I've had two or three projects a week in November and December. Of course, December is the biggest month of the year, project-wise. But I've been scrambling for seven weeks straight. It's not the stuff of posts: giving campaigns, special events, pageantry, even teaching a couple of adult classes at their request.

That adult class was interesting, though, because they asked for a repeat after the first one. They had asked the preteen class to tell them what they want from their parents to help them succeed in this world. The kids responded, I made a sort of "Glee-"like presentation out of it, and gave the adults questions to discuss with the kids. It seems they weren't done when class was over, and they asked me to do it all again so they could keep talking. We gave them the DVD of the presentation, and this time I added a few things I could not say while kids are present. They were hungry to hear it all.

This reminded me of when my kids were much younger and how we and all our friends were desperate for guidance on raising children. Many of us don't have extended family nearby to talk things over. Whenever a children's counselor presented for our group, there were never enough chairs. And yet no one talked if they were having trouble.

It wasn't until Ben sent us reeling* that we were transparent with the struggles we were having. I talked a little bit about that with the adults, and several approached me after class to thank me for being honest. If we don't talk about our difficulties, how are we going to get help? Silence perpetrates the illusion that we are alone in our struggles, when in fact just about everyone is making it up as we go along.

I haven't posted an update about Ben in a long time. He's doing just great; he's been on the high honor roll for four semesters. He apprenticed briefly at our auto mechanic's business and he's working part-time for Little Caesar's Pizza. He is happy, at peace, and in control of his future. He is not a standard student—as he says, he needs time, not help, to do his work—yet he wants to work in software, so he is considering an associate's degree at our community college after he graduates in the spring. This is the same boy who two years ago I feared would never graduate high school. He remains my miracle boy.

Well! It seems I did have something to say, after all. It just wasn't the philosophical subjects I have constantly going through my head. I'll save that for a time when I have more mental energy. Meanwhile, I hope each of you is enjoying the holiday season in whatever way suits you best.

This is a time when many feel lonely. Even if you're one of them—especially if you're one of them—reach out to one individual in a personal way to help them make it through not quite so lonely. Just one. Be gracious, even when others are not. It's how we can shape the world.


*If you're not familiar with that story, click on the "Amazing Grace" link in the right-hand column.

Today on Bilerico: Megachurch Pastor Comes Out

Meet Jim Swilley, a man I want the world to know. When he learned of the recent swath of youth suicides, Jim decided it was time to come out to his congregation and the world.

While it's only the beginning of what will be a difficult but ultimately rewarding time, please read his story that I just posted on Bilerico.

Love And Light

I spent this past weekend in Fort Wayne with Abe. He had an extended work week and invited me to join him for a couple of nights. After getting everything ready for my absence on Sunday, I left Friday afternoon to join him for dinner. It was a glorious two-hour drive, temps in the high seventies with the roof down in late afternoon.

We ate at Casa’s, his favorite restaurant outside of Indy. This time we managed to meet the owner, who sat down with us and told us that they’re planning to expand from their small chain of restaurants in Fort Wayne to a couple more in Indy. I think they’ll make it, too, in spite of the economy. Their places are packed every night of the week.


The next morning we went to Abe’s favorite breakfast place, the Liberty Diner. It is owned and managed by a Greek couple from New York. They have built the quintessential East Coast diner and plunked it in Fort Wayne. The interior décor has a human-sized Statue of Liberty by the front door. American flags drape various parts of the diner, and large black-and-white photos of Manhattan hang high over one row of booths. It is next to Bambi’s Exotic Lounge and across the street from a truck stop. And it is packed with locals who want a great breakfast any time of day or really good Greek food. The owners—better dressed than most of the patrons—drop by your table to make sure everything is good.

While I highly recommend both restaurants, the top place to go remains DeBrand Chocolatier. They make some of the finest chocolates I’ve ever eaten, and they ship! I asked about summer shipments, and I was told their freight company uses special ice packaging to insure fresh chocolates wherever they ship. If you have a chocolate connoisseur you wish to impress, this is the stuff to send. Warning: Not Safe For Budgets.

Abe and I had a lovely time. It was Date Night times three! He was so sweet and planned all of our ventures. I just went along for a wonderful time. Let’s say we both had a wonderful time.

I had to slip out early Sunday morning to head for Indy again, but not to my own church. I made arrangements with a friend to meet her at St. Andrew Presbyterian Church for worship and a meeting afterward. “Jane” is from Columbus and has been instrumental in helping me in my efforts to have my church become open and affirming. She has pointed me to resources, events and authors more than any other person I know. Jane was bringing her church group to St. Andrew, so I joined them.

St. Andrew* is the first and only Presbyterian church in Indiana to join the More Light Presbyterian network of churches. The mission statement of MLP says “Following the risen Christ, and seeking to make the Church a true community of hospitality, the mission of More Light Presbyterians is to work for the full participation of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people of faith in the life, ministry and witness of the Presbyterian Church (USA).” It is a strong statement to make in this denomination, and some churches who are truly open and affirming still have difficulty adding this label to their names.

Jane and her group of ten or so fellow supporters and I met with the two pastors of St. Andrew after worship. We asked about the process that led them to this important—and to some, risky—step of affirmation.

Although for each church it is different, this small congregation had already been “More Light” in practice for some time. The session—that is, the ruling group of elders—held a three-hour meeting to discuss and vote on the idea. Three hours, and it was done! Of course, it was years in the making.

Something struck me when I was driving home that afternoon: for the straight members of that congregation, declaring the church More Light changed nothing. All would go on as before. For its gay members and those seeking a church and gay children growing up in this church, everything changed. They are affirmed not only in general but in writing and in action. This is powerful stuff and it costs the straight members of the church nothing but understanding. I will be taking this idea to my church group. We are years away from this step, which frankly I considered an impossibility in my congregation. I don’t see it that way anymore.

I hope to partner our church with St. Andrew in LGBT outreach and advocacy. I have some thinking, talking and reading to do about this. We continue to move toward the Light.

*I have yet to find out how a Presbyterian church comes to call itself Saint Anything. Sounds Catholic, doesn't it?

Today On Bilerico: Mitchell Gold: Fighting The Crisis Of Religious Bigotry

Remember the story I posted about using Mitchell Gold's book Crisis as an introduction to understanding for a friend of mine? That post caught the attention of Brent Childers, the executive director of Faith In America, Gold's foundation for LGBT equality. Through an interesting series of connections, I ended up being able to do an email interview with Mitchell. His answers were so eloquent and clear they needed nothing more from me. We didn't want to cut a single word, so Bilerico is posting it in two parts. Read Part One to see just how dedicated this man is to his very worthy cause.

Update: Part Two is up.

Forgive And Forget?

On yesterday's Bilerico, Father Tony wrote an insightful editorial about the recent pedophilia scandals rocking the Roman Catholic Church in South America, Ireland, and now Germany—which involves the man who is now Pope Benedict XVI. The entire subject is disturbing and Tony's view as a former Vatican insider is worth reading. I responded with the following lengthy comment:

Forgiveness is very complex. Having managed finally to forgive most of the people who have hurt me, I can attest to its power to release me from a stranglehold of resentment, anger or hurt. To forgive takes away the power of the act. It does not make me immune to future hurt, and because of that I cannot forget, I must not forget. I alone can protect my heart.

Having said that, I look at these men in power, and I see no repentance. I see corruption of power, which is what child abuse is all about. I know that we can forgive whether or not a person is repentant, and I have done so; but it is also where I fail.

I have not been able to forgive the man who molested me when I was a child. My experience was relatively benign compared to many I’ve heard. I cannot find it in my heart to forgive the man who made the sight of duct tape a trigger for someone [a friend] who will never recover from the horrific childhood that man inflicted. I cannot forgive the father of another friend who berated, beat and sexually abused a beautiful little boy who still exists terrified inside a man who finds no worth in himself. There are more stories with which I am intimate. These monsters are the only people on whom I wish revenge.

Obviously this has struck a nerve.

Forgiveness or its lack does not negate consequences. The priests who used their position of trust to gain power over children—whether those children were willing or not—must be held accountable in civil courts. The men who allowed them to continue to abuse must be held accountable in civil courts. The organization that protects itself must be held accountable.

The hierarchy of the Catholic Church believes that it is the church. They are wrong: the people they serve are the church. (And neither one is God; another post.) When the leaders understand and exemplify the concept of servant leadership, the church will have returned to its Christian roots. Physician, heal thyself.

Signs Of Life

It’s been quite the week upon my return from Florida. (Sorry to be silent for so long, but all is well.)

Last Monday the pastoral and program staff of my church met for the annual planning meeting, outlining the themes and events of 2010-11. In addition to the calendar, we talked about ourselves to get to know each other. In small groups of five, we were to name three things that are on our “bucket list.” I named the usual monetary goals, house and car and something else equally forgettable, but my third item depended on more than just me: I said I wanted to see our church’s welcome to the gay community in writing on our publications. Apparently our senior pastor overheard my remark.

Later, in the large group (of about 35), we were asked to finish this sentence: “I want our church to…” Two people spoke up pretty quickly. During a pause the senior pastor turned to me.

“Birdie, you have one.”

I looked at him. Did he mean what I thought he meant?

“I heard you say it earlier.”

So he did know what he was asking.

“I want our church to put in writing its welcome to the gay community.”

He wrote it on the list that would be made into meeting notes. I believe he wants it as much as I do and uses moments like this to remind the rest of the staff.

But wait! There’s more.

That evening was the monthly meeting of support for parents of LGBT children, which is being publicized now, several months after its inception. What’s more, the group dynamics have changed, and it is now for friends and family as well. That means I can be a member now instead of a guest. We have two more members as a result of the calendar listing, and more will come with the name change. The two new members are eager to join with me in an advocacy role and we may be forming a new group as a result. That can’t happen until fall, but meanwhile we might be able to enlarge our small group. I have been given staff permission to lead such a group (which, since I’m a member of staff, was in question). I’m very excited at the prospects.

But wait! There’s more.

A few days ago, a member of our church came to my office and asked if I had a few minutes to talk. She said the senior pastor told her to come see me.

Her nephew, age 19, just came out to his family, who is very conservative and upset. She is concerned for the boy and for his family and asked me what I recommended. We talked for a while as I determined where on the scale of understanding she lay. She was eager to learn more, and she is a beginner in her search. So I gave her three books:

• For the stories so important to changing the heart:

Crisis: 40 Stories Revealing the Personal, Social, and Religious Pain and Trauma of Growing Up Gay in America, edited by Mitchell Gold

• For the beginner concerning sexuality:

Is It a Choice? Answers to the Most Frequently Asked Questions About Gay and Lesbian People, by Eric Marcus

• And for questions about the Bible:

Jesus, the Bible, and Homosexuality: Explode the Myths, Heal the Church, by Jack Rogers (a Presbyterian theologian)

I am excited by this because 1.) A wonderful and loving person wants to help her family come to grips with this, and her nephew will benefit; 2.) I’m seen as a resource by senior staff, something that I have hoped for; and 3.) I’m seeing progress! It has seemed soooooo sloooooow that I was beginning to wonder if we’d come to a standstill. (I know it will take years to do this right.)

My energy has been focused outward as a result of the glacial pace at my church, because I can’t stop just because some aren’t ready. I am so heartened by the events of this week, I can’t express it properly. I am energized once again.

Today On Bilerico: Catholic Church Fires Woman

A tip from a Bilerico reader led to an article in the Des Moines Register about a woman who was fired for counseling transgender clients on church property. It's a complex case that has just come to national attention. The official response from the Catholic Church refers to thousands of years of teaching. You can read about my feelings on church "traditions" here.

Rethinking Random Acts Of Kindness

The Children and Family Ministry Team at my church—of which I'm a member—is reading Craig Dykstra's Growing in the Life of Faith. Dykstra, a highly respected theologian and author of numerous books on Christian thought and practice, is a member of our church. This particular book is one I had left over from one of my own courses, but it was an auxiliary text that we never used. I'm glad I'm reading it now.

We've only begun the first few chapters, and I had the joy of teaching a couple last night. (One of the finest ways to learn is to teach.) While I'm coming away with a deeper understanding of a number of familiar ideas, one concept that Dykstra examined was a new way of thinking for me.

He proposes that the current popularity of "random acts of kindness" is not the direction we should be going in terms of expressing grace. Random acts are somewhat passive as we wait for the opportunity to present itself before we act. While it is a redeeming moment, only two (or few) people gain from the exchange.

Dykstra urges us to be more intentional in our grace, to make it a practice and one that is communal. That means being able to establish guidelines and boundaries and to communicate it to others, inviting their participation. By doing this, we share it among its practitioners and recipients: grace abounds. This easily applies to acts of service, but think how it would apply also to reading, prayer, daily routine, and more. I see brief bursts of such communal grace here on the Interwebs, and I see its power for good.

I find this very appealing. Those who receive my emails see Gandhi's quote (also posted under my banner); it is an urge to act upon the philosophy we have which makes this a better world. (Note that it doesn't say what that might be. A whole 'nother post.)

I find this new way of looking at "good deeds" very inviting. To be intentional sets it the forefront of our consciousness. While we continue to look for those moments where grace can make itself known, let us make it a communal practice in whatever way we can.

I will need some time to think about how I would turn my call to teach inclusiveness into a practice. It demands a structure that currently is not firm. I have been passive as I wait for opportunities to speak and teach. And I am learning so much. Every day brings a new awareness of just how much I do not know.

This happy coincidence of learning has energized me. May the grace which feeds me be known by all who wish it. That is my call.

Today On Bilerico: Building An Inclusive Church

"IN THE LIFE" is the PBS monthly series of "documentary stories from the gay experience," producing media for change for the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender communities. January's episode profiles Emily Eastwood, who led the Welcoming Church workshop I attended in 2008. I wrote about my experience then and found this opportunity to share it with Bilerico readers.

Christmas Eve

I’m in my office and the building is quiet, the down time after the children’s service and before the youth candlelight service. With help from volunteers and staff, the costumes have been put away for another year and the detritus of supplies and papers have been sorted and filed.

This year’s attendance by young families was the highest ever: about a thousand filled the sanctuary and choir loft. As usual, behind the scenes was happy chaos as we wrangled a cast of seventy children, most of whom were under the age of six. This event has the highest preparation to presentation ratio of all we do the rest of the year: eight weeks of prep, employing at least thirty adult volunteers, for twenty minutes of worship.

But you should see the faces on the children. The ones in the cast are excited to be a part, whether sheep, shepherd, angel or one of the “big” roles. The children in the pews have interactive baggies stuffed with items to use as instructed through the service, and they are awestruck as other children in fleece, togas, smocks and robes take their places in forming a tableau on the stage. This is the stuff of memories for all the little ones, cast and congregation. And that’s what makes it all worthwhile.

At one point our new pastor had her young son, decked out in fleece and topped with two little white ears, tugging on her sweater as she read scripture. The shepherds and sheep wandered about restlessly as the story unfolded. Anxious parents fruitlessly struggled to herd everyone back to their places. Joseph got tired of standing and decided to kneel for a while. It was glorious childhood in full bloom.


On the eve of the celebration of the birth of Jesus, I am renewed in my hope that these children will grow up in this church knowing that God loves them exactly as they are. It is inevitable as the dawn: God’s love will prevail.

Blue Christmas

I had to back up all of my data on my MacBook Pro and reinstall my old operating system, Leopard. Why? Because I broke my own rule against installing any program that ends in .0. I fell under the spell of Snow Leopard.

The result? It refused to recognize my printer driver. The rogue driver I found would only print text and only in color. Not good for someone who relies on graphics in her job. Also, the cursor took on a life of its own, zooming randomly all over the screen. The desktop got poltergeists, which arbitrarily shrank my icons and moved them around to wherever they liked. Commands in Appleworks—a native Apple program!—did not work. Working on my laptop was like dealing with a recalcitrant teenager. Enough.

Okay. I finally found everything I needed to execute the backup (another long story). Done. Reinstall Leopard: done—wait. The "save personal settings" box was ghosted. It wouldn't let me click it. So now I'm spending hours resetting preferences and  reinstalling all of my bookmarks, which I copied and pasted one by one into a Word doc in November. (I'm learning.)

I suggest to Mac owners that you avoid the Snow until spring at least. Let them work the bugs out.

@-}—

On Sunday afternoon, when the work day was over, my colleague Alice and I were winding down and I decided to open up iTunes and play a little music.

"I have a playlist of Christmas music. Let me—OH. MY. GOSH. There are FIVE FILES* in here. WHERE ARE THE OTHER TWO THOUSAND?!"

I turned to see Alice quietly climbing under her desk.

"What are you doing?"

"I want to avoid any flying missiles," she called out from under.

After reassurances from me, she climbed back out. She has been the greatest source of laughter for me, and that is important. If you can't have fun, what's the point? She agrees.

It seems that the joy has gone out of the job for her (coordinator of church school volunteers), and she has turned in her resignation. She will finish out the year on Sunday mornings and then I will be alone in the office until we find a replacement. It is a stressful job, making sure that all volunteer posts are filled each Sunday. We need over 30 people every Sunday on hand for the children.

Alice will still be here, as the workroom assistant. She's good, she's fast, she's smart. But she's going to be sorely missed on Sunday mornings, for her laughter and wit and ability to think on her feet when something goes wrong. (And that happens on more Sunday mornings than not. Nature of the beast.)

I know she'll be happier and less stressed. But I miss her already.

@-}—

Oh yeah. The computer. I have the songs backed up too. It won't accept them from my iPod. I'm hoping I can drag them from the backup hard drive and sneak them in the back door. I will have to steel myself for the job. But the cursor works! I can print graphics! Appleworks is cooperating! My teenage computer is back to happy compliance. For now.

*The five files it saw fit to save? Three Veggietales tunes (for the children) and two sermons, one of which was arbitrarily assigned a genre: "Blues." I sent a screen shot to my pastor.

Heaven's Gate

Click to embiggen.

Today on Bilerico: "A Presbyterian Welcome..."

I attended the Covenant Network of Presbyterian Churches' annual convention in sunny warm tropical Cleveland. This article talks about my initial disappointment.